Life Is Not Fair - Life Lesson 10

I just don’t know how many times I hear someone say, “Well, that’s not very fair.” To which my mental response is always, “Well, life is not fair. No one ever said it would be.” The sooner we learn this lesson, the better our entire life will be.

In fact, it is selfishness that demands that everyone gets the same share. I too wish that all my hard work would be as “profitable” as so-and-so’s. I can find my self questioning “How come bad things happen to good people?” Well, the fact is exactly what King Solomon said, “I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.” Time and chance happeneth to us all. Life is not fair.

But how do we teach the fact that life is not fair to our children?

Scavenger Hunts

Really, is there anything less fair than a scavenger hunt with kids of different ages and abilities? There is the child with the empty basket and the older sister with 15 items. As parents we do try to level the playing field a little bit, but the reality is; someone will always get more than another kid. Oh well. Life is not fair.

Don’t rob your child of those opportunities to learn to be appropriate. Fit throwing and temper tantrums happen in adults too. Don’t make your child into that adult. You must not make life completely fair. Why? Because it’s not fair to your child in the long run. (Pun intended)

Birthdays

I am not sure who started the trend of bringing other siblings presents because they might “feel bad” that they don’t get anything at their brother’s birthday party, but it is ridiculous. It’s. Not. Their. Birthday. This is a perfect opportunity to teach them to be happy for another person’s blessings and to be a giver.

What a horrid thing to do to your child to teach them that everyone should get a gift or else it wouldn’t be fair. When birthdays arise, reinforce Life Lesson #7 – Don’t Make It All About You by pointing out the other person’s joy and being their cheerleader. Truly, our joy comes from putting others first.

Prizes

At my church it seems there is a prize for everything. I am not saying that it is bad. It is just a way of life. But it does tend to draw out that nasty, fleshly trait in a child that so easily besets them; the entitlement attitude. “How come they got a treat and I didn’t?” My response usually goes like this, “Well, babe … life is not fair.”

Oh how the tears well up in their eyes as their sister eats the candy bar as they just sit their fighting (or not) the green monster of envy.

What a great opportunity to teach them to deal with feelings of selfishness and the absolute fact that disappointments just happen in life. They must, must, must learn to deal with these feelings appropriately or they will become that person in the office that has no grace with anyone but themselves because, “Well, that just isn’t fair.”

I try to teach them to put on a happy face and pray that God can help them to be happy for the other person’s good fortune. They are to esteem each other better than themselves.

Special Dates

In our family, daddy takes each kid out on a special date regularly. But sometimes life just happens and their date night arrives and they just can’t go. You see, life and chance happen to all. One day it may be on their siblings date that gets bumped and some days it’s theirs.

It really is disappointing and I understand the feeling, because I too have had my date night postponed due to circumstance. But, life is not fair. It doesn’t mean we don’t try to make up a date night, but it doesn’t mean we are to never murmur or dispute because “we didn’t get what we wanted.” Things happen. We need to have a good attitude and learn how to manage those feelings.

This is when I try to teach them to hold up their shield of faith and claim the promise, “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. Prov 16:3 Do right till the stars fall, even when doing right just isn’t easy.

Privileges

Privileges and freedoms are earned around here. My kids just love to go to the church bookstore. If you read the Life Lessons on “The Foolish Man Spendeth It Up” you will see how we manage those with the proverbial hole in their pocket. But some children tend to abuse our grace and start manifesting an attitude of “It’s my right to bring my purse and money” rather than a privilege.

That’s just not true. Some days I will say no to someone with a bad attitude and turn around and give permission for the same exact thing to a child who has been very good recently.

Of course this brings that inward attitude to the surface and a teaching moment arrives. “But … wha? … How come? … That’s not fair.” I bite down the sarcasm inside that seethes, “Well, sweety, suck it up. Life is not fair.” And I remind her that privileges are earned and that when people aren’t grateful for blessings, blessings are often taken away.

Isn’t that how God trains adults? Just when we forget to thank Him, He allows trials that remind us how good we have it? Isn’t it good for your child to learn this under the loving protection of you rather than in the cruel hard world? Create learning opportunities. Don’t spoil your child by making life fair, because it is not.

How Come Life Is Not Fair?

Because God allowed it to be that way.

There will come a day when a child will want to understand the biblical wisdom of the Life Lesson that Life Is Not Fair. They may question your thought process and label you with a sundry of titles. (I do hope that you have been training your child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord rather than with fleshly sarcasm, rudeness and cruelty. I do hope that you don’t deserve any unflattering title that your child may bestow upon you.)

If you indeed have been raising them in God’s love and they seek out the “whys” of your lessons, have no fear, the Bible is very clear that even our perfect heavenly Father “is not fair.”

He gives some greater talents than others. (Matt. 25)

He gives grace to some and not to others. (Prov. 3:34, James 4:6, I Pet. 5:5)

He expects more out of some people than others. (Luke 12:48)

He diversifies spiritual gifts. Not everyone has everything. (Rom. 12)

When punishing the Israelites for their lust, He started with “the fattest.” He alienated them. (Ps. 78:31)

There are more, but they are fun to study out personally. As you Read Your Bible. Pray Everyday and you notice God being “unfair” mark it down and keep it handy for when your child comes and says, “But that’s not fair.” You can kindly say, “Life Is Not Fair. Let me show you that in the Bible.”