It is an intimidating thing to go from no children to that first child. Essentially living with no children (from retrospect) is like two freedom loving young adults with very little responsibility and more money than you realize. You only have to think about yourselves and your decisions don’t affect many people.But then that “next phase of life” starts looking at you a little closer.
I remember talking to other parents and Rick said to one of them, “But isn’t a lot of responsibility?” The father smiled and said, “Yeah! But the mom does most of the work.” Oh, how this makes me laugh now. If Rick only knew what responsibility he would bear, he probably wouldn’t have made the decision to go forward with that “next phase.”
So, in 2005 we decided to take our adventure into parenthood.
I don’t remember much about the pregnancy except that I didn’t know that once you were pregnant you couldn’t get health insurance. So, with a bill of $10,000 – $30,000 looking us in the face we decided to look into the option of a midwife. This was the first time I ever considered the option of a natural child birth. I remember saying, “I was going to take a hit for the team.”
I see pictures of me during that time and oh, I am so embarrassed. I had horrible hair, horrible style and still, I was oblivious and very happy about my first time pregnancy. Every thing about it went according to plan … except that she was a girl.
You see, Rick was the very last male Schworer in his entire father’s family. A male was a must.
God sure has a sense of humor and we were told by so many people how wonderful it is to have a daughter first. I took their word for it and have found it to be so true. Kiera is my friend. She is an encouragement and so considerate of my feelings. She has no qualms with the responsibility that comes with being a first born. She is an eager helper and loves one-on-one time with her mom and dad. I can’t imagine how different life would be if she was not exactly who she is.
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In my womb she was my buddy. I had no idea how to be a mom. I was the youngest child in my family and did very little baby sitting. I didn’t know how to nurse a baby. I didn’t know how to change a new born. I didn’t know when babies slept. I didn’t know that a car seat could attach to a Walmart shopping cart and therefore Rick had to go with me to the store until I figured it out. I devoured books enthusiastically, trying to learn everything I could.
She broke the mold for everything parenting.
We went to the child birth classes and they prepared me a bit. I didn’t know there were different phases of labor. I didn’t know that there is a transition point near the end where you know for sure that you “just can’t do this any more.” I didn’t know how I would cope with pain.
I remember the night I went into labor. I had not gone to church that day (Sunday). I was three days past my due date. Rick had stayed up late that night playing some games and had gone to bed around 2 AM. Around 3 AM I started real labor pains. I don’t remember excitement. I remember being afraid. I heard that when you think you are in labor to move around or try a bath to see if the contractions go away. I tried and I certainly was in labor.
Here it was … natural labor. I called my mother-in-law and off we all headed to the Baby Place.
I don’t remember much except that desire for it to be over and wondering, “Can I push yet?” Rick says that whatever a perfect gentleman is for a lady, that is how I act in labor. My perspective is that I just try to make it through.
I remember trying to be in the bathtub and it was not for me. I wanted to lay down when I was in pain, but that would result in me drowning. HA! I remember being moved from the bathtub to a beautiful bed only to throw up. I wanted to cry because they had just put fresh linens on it and now they had to clean it all up. I profusely apologized and they tried to console me.
Then I was dilated to 9 and they told me I could try and push. I DO remember this part, but for the sake of discretion I will eliminate the thoughts I have about pushing. I tried and tried for three hours, but I didn’t know what to feel and I was exhausted. My mother-in-law helped rub my back and give me some counter pressure when Rick was tired. She has a servant’s heart.
I think I just gave up. Rick went and got a soda and I drank a lot of Dr. Pepper. All that sugar did me some good and I brought my little girl into the world.
I remember how professional the staff was when they hurriedly moved me to a bed and gave me a shot of Pitocin and never said anything about the fact that I had bled an extreme amount of blood. They just took care of me and helped me with all the gross things that happen after birth.
I remember that the ladies made me some eggs and toast, but the fork was too heavy for me to pick up. (I guess that was from the blood loss). So, Coleen (I love her so) fed me my food. She showed me how to nurse a baby. I didn’t know how to sleep in a bed with a newborn and so she just had Kiera sleep on Jerusha while I tried to sleep. Rick really is the one who ended up sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him up to go to the bathroom. So, I just lay there uncomfortable; lost in all the newness and all the pain that I didn’t know you would have AFTER labor.
It was so new and I had so much anxiety about this new baby. She didn’t seem like the buddy I had carried with me for 9 months. Who was this little stranger? Was she going to starve? Was I going to be a good mom? It took about a week before she and I developed a new kind of bond. But a bond is what developed.
So here I was … a mom. There is nothing like it.
I love my girl. She is quirky, intense, a learner, high strung, both afraid of new challenges and yet loving to conquer. She is friendly and yet enjoys quiet. She has the loudest, shrill scream I have ever heard. She is very gifted at hearing music and musical parts. She is a perfectionist. She is an antagonist and full of competition. She desires to “do what is right” and loves God, but very open about her thoughts and doubts. She has such a tender heart and I could go on and on as a mother does.
I am so thankful God gave me her. And that is Kiera’s story.
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