If you are a parent who honestly just wants to do your best before God and you are in the midst of raising teens and young adults at home, this article will definitely be a help.  Read along and tell me what you think of these 6 Rules that Every Parent Of Teenagers and Emerging Adults Should Have.

We adults don’t have an easy job and this post is not to criticize or lay guilt on anyone.  I think we already feel the guilt of not being perfect and knowing our own failures.  What this post CAN do is to help eliminate some self doubt in those trying times when you are just figuring out “What in the world do I do now?”  

There are a lot of things I don’t know, but what I DO know is this: God is a parent, and He deals with free-willed, independent adults all the time, and isn’t that what we are trying to make our children?  Therefore, I trust Him.  I trust His Word.  I want to be like Him, and it was during a time of prayer and reflection I believe God showed me these “Six Rules Every Parent of Teenagers and Emerging Adults Should Have.”

WHILE YOU ARE LIVING UNDER MY ROOF YOU WON’T …

It’s the classic line, right?  “While you are living under my roof, you won’t do that.”  It’s like the parent’s last line they draw faced off with a rebellious child who just won’t listen.

Well, did you know that God has a hard and fast rule like that?  In 1 Corinthians 5, we see what God won’t allow in a Christian’s life.  If they continue in these sins, He kicks them out of His house (the local church) and the fellowship of the believers.

GOD DOESN’T SAY, “YOU CAN’T BRING THIS INTO MY HOME.”

He actually says, they can’t do it IN the church or OUT of the church.  As parents, Rick and I have gone over and over the destruction we have seen in the lives of children when they feast upon things while in their car or at their friends or at the movies but then act as if everything is fine when they are at home.  The parent’s seem to fear drawing lines and say, “Well, while you are at the house you can’t, but I can’t control what you do out there.”  I ask you, “Who says?”  Certainly, that isn’t God’s example when it comes to these “6 Rules that Every Parent Of Teenagers and Emerging Adults Should Have.”

What is a parent to do?  This is where a lot of that self doubt comes in.  “Should I try and control my grown child when they are out and about?”  “How are they ever going to make that transition between following my standards and creating their own?”  “But if I create too many rules, won’t I just push them away from us and send them into rebellion?”

These are legitimate fears and concerns and that is why these “Six Rules Every Parent of Teenagers and Emerging Adults Should Have” were such a relief.

GOD’S SIX RULES FOR EACH OF HIS CHILDREN

These are God’s very bare minimum.  Now, you can add more if you feel it wise, but as far as being able to stick to your guns and give your growing in independence child “Chapter and Verse” then this is where you can do that.

1 Corinthians 5:11, “But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.”

If a Christian is any of these things, we are not to keep them in the church and we are not to fellowship with them and therefore, they need to reap the very “grown up” consequences of their actions.  And we as parent’s ought to trust God and enforce His way.  The goal is restoration and repentance.

HOW DO THESE PRACTICALLY APPLY TO CHILDREN?

EXTORTIONER

I almost want to laugh because I did not know what an extortioner was.  I kind of thought that they were people who blackmailed people for money.  But when I looked it up in Webster’s 1828 dictionary it said that an extortioner who gains something by threat and force.

Is that not what we see all around us? We see teens and children throwing fits and demanding their way “or else” all the time.

If your child has made it their mode of controlling you to get their way by threatening, demanding, or force, than they are an extortioner.  God has no mercy for an unrepentant extortioner.  They must leave.

DRUNKARD

Why is it that this one is so easy to draw a line on and yet others aren’t?  It’s really easy to see that partying, drinking, drugs and that whole scene is filthy and that God doesn’t like it. (Prov. 23:29-35) If you want to read more on that, I give a biblical look in my post “Why Don’t Christians Drink Alcohol?“

Most parent’s don’t need to be convinced of this, but if you are struggling to draw a line in this area, just remember that God does.  If you are raising a drunkard or are friend’s with one, as a Christian, you are not to have any fellowship with that person.

RAILER

I honestly think that Baptists should preach a little bit more on “Railers.”  I think it is something we are very guilty of and don’t even know it.  I did a study on it a few years back because God really pricked my heart about it.  The result of that study was my blog on “How To Rebuke Sin With Grace.”  A railer is someone who is in the habit of accusing people with a spirit of contempt.  

I have seen children lash out at their parent’s with contempt on a regular basis.  They have lost the fear and reverence and respect that God requires toward authority. (Rom. 13:1)  I think of Christians and how they speak of democratic presidents and it is no wonder our children get confused.  Isn’t okay to be nasty to “sinners” and people with whom we disagree?  Well, no!  It’s not. (2 Pet. 2:11)

We ought to repent ourselves and than teach our children what “Railers” are and how we ought to respect our authority (both republican and democrat) and how we ought to speak to liberals and Christian’s with whom we disagree. (James 3:13-18)

But if you explain this to them (and I recommend doing it from a young age) and they continue in their railing, then get them out.

IDOLATER

Oh boy!  I struggle with this one.  Not with statues, but certainly with putting things higher in priority than worshiping the Lord.

I think there is no better or practical example of this than when church (our place of worship) gets put below something else habitually or as a matter of commitments.  For me, I struggle with putting lack of pain before the Lord.  I deal with chronic migraines and many times they worsen at church.  I really have to learn to put my pain in God’s hands and be very transparent in my heart before choosing to miss church.  There are people who risk being beat to worship the Lord at church, and I need to constantly be aware of my motives.

But when it relates to children, I think some common “idols” I see in their lives are: 

  1. Their job schedules. (We need to teach them Matt. 6:33)  I also talk about this in my book “Faith and Finance – Peace With or Without Prosperity“
  2. Studying on church days (in general) and also the more passive claiming that they “need to study” and yet they stay up late and spend weekends for recreation.
  3. After school sports, extracurricular activities and “college prep” courses.
  4. Sleep
  5. Family time.
  6. Switching belief systems.

If a child won’t be faithful to church while living at home, it is time for them to live somewhere else.  

COVETOUSNESS

I honestly got nailed this morning with this sneaky sin of the heart.  Sometimes it is easy to see it in people.  We find them gambling, stealing, misusing credit, or putting their job first and foremost (laboring to be rich). (Prov. 23:4)

Other times it’s not so easy and I would be very careful of judging people’s motives without evidence.  

But if your child is manifesting the physical proof of covetousness and is unwilling to change their ways, they should bear the responsibility of their sin.  God has no place for this behavior (and it is protection for you as well).

FORNICATION

I think that the sins of the heart seem less dangerous than this one and its because it is the only sin where we are sinning against our own bodies and the temple of the Holy Spirit. (1 Corinthians 6:18).  It is heart breaking to find that our child has given away their purity and sometimes they foolishly do so.

But if they are confronted and they don’t repent and submit to accountability measures, than they are a prodigal.  They have no place bringing that evil and darkness into your home.

For my husband and I, we define fornication as:

  1. Pornography (on phones / tablets / PCs, sex scenes / partial nudity / nudity in movies, magazines).  They must have filters and accountability measures in place.
  2. Immodest clothing (due to the girl being accountable for a man lusting at her) (Matt. 5:27-28) – Rick and I draw the line at thighs, breasts, navels and skin tight / provocative clothing.  If you wonder why we draw our lines there, you can read “Mommy, Why Is Cinderella Showing Her Chest?” and “Are There Modest Shorts?” and “Are There Modest Pants, and Other Gray Areas?“
  3. Time with the opposite sex without some very specific accountability measures. (2 Tim. 2:22, 1 Thess. 5:22)

IN CONCLUSION

I would encourage you to take heart.  You can have some rules with teenage and adult children that aren’t just “your own standards” enforced upon a growing child.  Now, you can have those standards and that is fine, but I wanted to give you “6 Rules that Every Parent Of Teenagers and Emerging Adults Should Have” that God gave as a hard line for His own children.

My advice would be to talk to your children about these as soon as they can understand (around seven and eight years old) and all the way up through high school.  When it is a part of their life that God has these rules and so do you, than they won’t be shocked when they are enforced in your home and in the church.

Also, don’t be hasty.  Be sure to follow the pattern in Matthew 18 that speaks of talking to them and giving them a chance to repent.  If they don’t, then step it up a bit and bring in a witness and see if they repent.  If they continue in their sin, bring it to the pastor.  If all these things don’t work, then share with them your heart, your conclusion and that they are welcome to come home when they repent and change.

There is nothing worse then drawing a harsh and hasty line and the guilt of regretting it and wondering if you did the right thing.  Trust God’s way and make it clear what is going on and what you expect and that you love them.  

Keep on Keepin on.  

Melissa Schworer