A Fun Day … and very naughty children.
The other day I was just plain tired. I was tired of giving spankings. I was tired of requiring diligence and completion of chores. I was tired of requiring an immediate response to my requests. I was tired of doing my job.
You know what I did? I ignored it. The whole day, I just minded my own business. I got dressed, did my hair, cleaned my room, read my Bible, drank my coffee. By all accounts, I looked like I had it all together.
I told them to start their chores … and then did nothing to enforce it.
I thought, “Hmmmmm. I don’t want to do anything negative today. I will just uplift those who ARE doing right.”
So, I did. I walked over to the playing children and said, “I just want to praise all of you who are doing your chores like I asked.” No response. They all ignored me and kept playing.
Well, I didn’t mind, because I wasn’t going to spank them anyway. I just started looking on pinterest and found all sorts of fun things to dream about or occupy my thoughts. I exercised, I made lunch. I read a book. I called my husband and acted cute on the phone. I was one positive and refreshed lady.
But I couldn’t believe how disobedient my children were. One time in the midst of this I called to one of them and they absolutely did nothing. I laughed to myself. Oh, how human nature was revealing itself to me at that moment. They were growing accustomed to not being rebuked or chastised. They could tell that I wasn’t going to enforce anything, so they weren’t going to do right.
I mentioned this to another mother later on and she said, “A tired and weary momma is usually one who is doing their job well.”
What I learned was that tolerating my child’s disobedience was actually much, much easier than doing what God commanded of me.
If you asked my children at the end of the day if they had a good day and if they felt loved, I guarantee you they would answer “Yes.”
On the other hand, after a day full of seemingly endless spankings, it is common to hear the one of my children say, “This is the worst day. I just feel like no one loves me.” Even though we reassure them over and over that we do.
Tough Love Is Tough On Everyone.
I partake in Tough Love nearly every day of my life as a parent. When I take my child aside and offer chastisement as a result of disobedience; that is the tough side of love. It is tough when one of my children says, “When you spank me, it makes me feel like you don’t love me.” That just tears me up. Insecurities are fueled and doubt starts reeling.
I question myself and ask, Did I have the right attitude when I spanked them? Did I try and explain to them why they received the punishment? Was I rash in my judgement? Then why do they feel like I don’t love them?
You see, the nurture side of “the nurture and admonition of the Lord” is wonderful. It is easy to feel the love of nurture. When you are making muffins or reading a book together, it is easy to feel love. When you look them in the eye and tell them why you love them, it is easy to feel the love. When you hold their hand in church or go out on a special lunch date with them, it is easy to feel the love.
But what about the kid who needs tough love?
What about the son who stamps his foot at his father and declares, “NO!”
What about the daughter who sneaks the fingernail polish and hiding behind the door begins to paint her nails?
What about the daughter who begins unapproved chatting to strangers on the family’s approved tablet games?
What about the son who is caught viewing sinful pictures on the internet?
What about the daughter who leaves the house in an approved outfit and then changes into a mini skirt at school?
What about the son who takes the car and goes to hang out with friends that have been disallowed?
What about the Christian daughter who begins dating an unsaved young man?
What about the son who brings drugs into the home?
My heart trembles. You see, it is a heart issue that begins when our children are little. It seems so much easier to spank a two year old who yells “No!” then it is to chastise an older child for the same rebellion. That just seems to be harder.
I have noticed that my older children are very good at making me feel guilty for doing what I know is right. They manipulate my emotions and I actually get confused sometimes. I will have to call my husband for advice and I actually have to quote the following verses to myself.
Pro_19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Pro_29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Pro_23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (The word beat in the KJV is not used in the same context as the contemporary word beat. Abuse and/or injury are never okay.)
Why do I quote them? Because when I lean upon my own understanding (Prov 3:5) it doesn’t seem very loving or kind to spank them. It is Tough Love.
My kids ask me, “Mom. How come parents don’t get spankings?” I always respond, “We do! God just does it differently. We are both rebuked and chastised as adults.” I tell them, “It is a chastisement of the heart that comes through conviction from Scripture and life consequences.”
I explain to them several of our mistakes and how God dealt with us. Sometimes some of them have had very long term consequences. Does it make me feel like God doesn’t love me that He doesn’t “fix” the consequences of my sin? Quite the opposite. It makes me feel loved that He shows “tough love” and has taught us not to repeat them.
Heb 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
Heb 12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Heb 12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
Heb 12:8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
As a Christian, I have also had to experience tough love.
I have had to be rebuked by an older lady in the church … publicly nonetheless. So humiliating. Needed; but humiliating. You betcha, I have never done that thing again.
I have been privately rebuked (by that I don’t mean we were alone, just not in front of anyone that was not involved) by a head of a church department for something that ended up being a misunderstanding. It made me cry, but oh well. I learned from it. I didn’t get bitter.
I have been reprimanded by a boss for making casual remark that offended a customer. It was heeded, and I never had to be scolded again.
I have been corrected by a pastor via my husband (that is my favorite …ha) for being hasty in my words. My words weren’t even incorrect. I was just told that I needed to choose a better venue.
The list can go on and on and on.
Did it hurt? Did I cry? Did it feel unfair? Yes. Yes. Sometimes. Does that matter? Nope. How I felt didn’t matter. What mattered was that I learned. I would hate to be in my 30’s and still making those same foolish or sinful mistakes I was making in my 20’s. (Now, I am making different ones.)
So, I want to thank my parents for spanking me. For my teachers for admonishing me. For that lady who rightly embarrassed me. For my best friend in high school who stopped hanging out with me when I was doing wrong. For the pastor who preached against my sin, and for my meddling friends and family.
Christ accepted TOUGH LOVE because of our sins.
Christ died for our sins. Sins are a big deal. Such a big deal that they had to be dealt with. Not just the big sins, but even the little ones. But Jesus suffered for our sins.
1Co 15:3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
1Co 15:4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures
God can’t stand sin. He is holy. He doesn’t put up with it. He will one day reveal our sins at the judgement seat of Christ.
Rom 14:12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
Rom 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Should we pretend that we don’t have any sin? Should we be offended when someone calls us a sinner? Nope. It is a good thing to see our sin as God sees it. Paul said that without the law, he wouldn’t have realized he was a sinner. He wouldn’t have realized his need to repent.
Rom 7:7 What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.
Rom 7:8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead.
So, what does God say is sin? God gives some commandments to every person and if they do any one of them wrong, then they are a sinner.
Rom 13:9 For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Rom 13:10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
But isn’t it unloving to say that something I am doing is wrong? Isn’t it unkind to point out sin? Isn’t God unloving to make such a big deal about sin? No. This is what “Tough Love” is all about. God commands Christians to tell sinners about their need for Jesus, and to tell other Christians about their need to turn from their sin.
It saves people from hell.
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Joh 3:15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
Joh 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
It purges iniquity and faults out of the life of our Christian friends.
Gal 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
Eph 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
Eph 5:12 For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
It purges out open iniquity of Christians from within the church both for their spirit’s eternal rewards, but also for the church to be clean and to honor Christ’s sacrifice.
1Co 5:5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
1Co 5:6 Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?
1Co 5:7 Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:
What do you mean, Christ’s sacrifice?
Jesus died and gave his life and took the “spanking for us” in a manner of speaking. We deserved chastisement. God wasn’t going to overlook our sin. He just sent His Son to take the punishment.
Isa_53:5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
Have you ever realized that you are a sinner? Have you ever realized that Jesus took the punishment for your sin? Do you believe that because of Christ, you do not have to suffer for your own sins after you die? Have you ever prayed about that?
Rom 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
Rom 10:10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Did you know that God’s “Tough Love” against your sin and sending His Son to die for our sins, and your acceptance of His gift makes it impossible for anything or anyone to ever take you away from His love and forgiveness? Not even Satan could say accuse you of your sin any longer, because Jesus has already paid for it.
Rom 8:33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth.
Rom 8:34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
Rom 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Rom 8:36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Rom 8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
Rom 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Rom 8:39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So you see, tough love is needed. It helps us, our friends, our children and all humanity to understand that sin is a big deal and that it needs to be dealt with how the Bible says to.
I hope these thoughts on Tough Love were eye opening, or maybe just a refresher or different viewpoint on something you already knew.
I sincerely hope that if you’ve never experienced the love of Christ that you would accept His sacrifice for your sins, by praying to God, admitting your sin and accepting Jesus’s gift to save you from your sins. If you have any questions, please contact us at support@truthandsong.com
Leave A Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.