35 Manipulation Tactics Narcissists Use Against You

I was originally going to use the “Pocket Guide To Dealing With A Narcissist According to Jesus” (Longest name ever! LOL) to list these. I was going to have you circle the ones that you personally have experienced and then find how Jesus dealt with them. THEN I realized there were so many that it would literally become a book, not a pocket guide.

I also realized that there were some very basic things that Jesus did that eliminate the need for very specific responses. Those will, Lord willing, be the next post.

I still recommend that you print this list up and circle the ones that fit your situations. Education and awareness are your best friends in this process.

Disguised as trustworthy, helpful, successful, servant-like, admirable, gift giving and so nice that any problem must be “stemming from you.”
Disrespectful of boundaries. You are made to feel guilty for setting your own priorities and boundaries and not putting them first.
Procrastination, Half-hearted efforts, and predictable tardiness. Making you feel like a nuisance.
Asking leading questions to change the topic off of their behavior or to get you to do something they want.
A habitual pattern of expressing a desire to help, yet becoming sidetracked and being a no-show at key moments. – (This is different than “avoidant behavior” because for the narcissist, this is done to gain the upper hand and control. It is not out of self-protection.)
The Silent Treatment / Ghosting / Stonewalling. Then feigning innocence, ignoring it or excusing the behavior.
Gaslighting by: Attacking, Shaming, Devaluing. – Usually these are unprovable claims, but made to get your reaction (baiting) or cause you to “fix yourself” into what they want you to be.
Gaslighting by: Denial, minimization, rationalization or excuses. – They made a promise, request, claim, attack or behavior and then consciously deny it or say you are “overreacting,” “being dramatic,” “blowing it out of proportion,” “misheard them”, etc.
Holding onto a moral high ground, but passing judgment. This is different than Gal. 6:1-2
Pretending they know you like no-one else does and then projecting their motives onto you. They have a god-complex.
Blame shifting / deflecting by baiting you and then criticizing how you responded to their behavior.
Passive aggressive cuts or sarcastic ”jokes.” Putting you on the defensive.
Intimidation (You will fail because you “need them.” or they will hurt / kill you (or themselves) if you go against them.”)
Playing the Victim to Gain Your Sympathy and Allegiance.
Lying or masking their true self to gain acceptance, money or a new asset (or person) or job to further their image, power, control, etc.
Running a smear campaign behind your back. – This is often through “flying monkeys” they gather to do their gossip and questioning of your behavior. That leaves the “blameless” because they didn’t actually do it.
Pathologically /chronically cheating on you. – These people are often very focused on appearance as well.
Falsely accusing you to the police – This is a form of deflection if you try to leave them, get a restraining order, etc.
Paying you a compliment while also complaining or cutting you down. – I.e. You seem to show real promise if only you weren’t so (insult).
Not including you in activities that were appropriate for you to be at. – Without words, they convey how they have a low regard for any connection with you.
Flattery, gifts, favors and special privileges because they are your “good friend” when no one else is helping. – Ultimately it is so that you owe them loyalty and control.
Competition: Competing and one-upping to always be on top, sometimes through unethical means
Subtle physical attacks. a. Closing the door on you as you walk through. (Oops, didn’t see you there.), b. You arrive together and then they leave you stranded, c. Blocking movement, pulling hair, pinching, throwing things, or destroying your property.
Overt physical attacks and abusing authority by: a. Striking in anger, Excessive “spanking”. (Seems out of control in repetition or emotionally or in placement on the body or causes injury), b. Strangling, drowning, suffocating, locking you or tying you up, etc., c. Groping & molestation, or injurious and forceful “intimacy.”
Negative contrasting: Unnecessarily making comparisons to negatively contrast you with the narcissist or other people.
Exploitation and objectification: Using or taking advantage of you for personal ends without regard for your feelings or needs.
Withholding: Withholding such things as money, intimacy, communication or affection from you
Neglect: Ignoring the needs of a child for whom the abuser is responsible. This includes child endangerment (i.e., placing or leaving a child in a dangerous situation).
Medical Neglect: You have symptoms of health problems and they downplay it or don’t allow medical treatment.
Infantilization: They may not want their children to grow up and stop being reliant on them, being their resource or having to obey them, so they’ll attempt to prevent that from happening.
Sabotage: Disruptive interference with your endeavors or relationships for the purpose of revenge or personal advantage.
Isolation: Substantially limiting their victims ability to escape in emotionally, or physically dangerous situations. Creating distrust or physical limitations to trusted friends, co-workers, spouses, parents or siblings.
Financial abuse: Financial abuse might include controlling you through economic domination or draining your finances through extortion, theft, manipulation, or gambling, or by accruing debt in your name or selling your personal property.
Controlling the narrative through triangulation. – The ultimate middle man. They make sure there will be limited or no communication between the two triangulated individuals except through the manipulator. It may appear in different forms, but all are about divide and conquer, or playing people against each other. Often pitting the two against each other: siblings, co-workers, friends, etc.
Crowd manipulation – Controlling the narrative through being the spokesperson in a group. They make sure the majority of the people in the group are sympathetic to their cause before baiting their victim publicly.

CONCLUSION

I hope you were able to see that you are not alone and you are not crazy and that these things actually are happening regularly. It is estimated that 6% of the world are narcissists. I believe in the end times this number will go up.