I can not tell you how many times I have heard the phrase, “It is not what you said but how you said it.” At some point I just asked, “Lord, how can I do this differently and rebuke sin with grace?”
What I learned hasn’t caused an earthquake of revival amongst my fellow friends, family and the entire Christian community. But what I can tell you is that these principles changed ME.
If you want to find the magic pill that will cause your admonition to someone else to cause less criticism toward you; this is not that thing. (Prov. 17:10, Prov. 9:8-9) But this will help you to be more like how God wants you to be. It will help you to manifest the works of the Spirit in your life.
We live in a time where people will not endure sound doctrine. We live in a time where truth is considered hateful. We can see that people are “ever learning” and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. It can be discouraging. It can be frustrating. It can cause us in the heat of the moment to ramble out words of truth that have been sweltering within for some time.
You know it. I know it. We have all seen it.
Truth spoken … without meekness.
What is meekness?
A popular definition is that meekness is “power under control.”
But before we go into the DO’s and DON’T of rebuking sin with grace, let me quickly go over WHY to rebuke sin.
WHY
- Because the Bible says to. (2 Tim. 4:2, 1 Tim. 5:20, Titus 2:15)
- Out of love for a friend or brother going astray. (Gal. 6:1-2, Prov. 27:5, Prov. 29:15)
- A brother or friend has “sinned against you” and it needs to be resolved. (Luke 17:3-4, Matt. 18:15-17)
Here goes;
DO
Deal with real people privately.
This is something God had to show me is just plain wise. I know, I know; Paul rebuked Peter for his public sin publicly. That is because it was a sin that was effecting revealed doctrine and the body of Christ as a whole.
But if you read Galatians 6:1, you will see that we are to consider ourselves lest we also be tempted and then in Proverbs 17:9 it speaks of the love that is given when we do not repeat a matter.
My friend, would we not always appreciate it if someone would be kind enough and come to us privately and give us a chance to fess up and fix it.
And yes, it may be a public sin; but wouldn’t it be easier to apologize publicly for a sin when we have first come to repentance without the hurdle of pride that comes from saving face in public in the initial conflict?
I would urge you to consider yourself and how you would want to be approached. (Gal. 5:14)
If it is a public sin and they refuse to repent and apologize publicly, than the Bible has Scriptures on how to deal with that. But first and foremost; I would encourage you to speak to that person privately.
It takes confidence that God wants you to approach someone to be courageous enough to speak to someone privately. That confidence comes through trying your thoughts, intentions and words in the fire of Bible and prayer.
DON’T
Be passive aggressive on social media.
Give prayer requests for someone who is involved in (name the sin).
Get in an argument publicly.
DO
Intreat an elder man or woman as a father or mother. (1 Tim. 5:1)
In a day and age where people have little respect for authority and fathers this may seems a little vague and unclear.
But what cleared it up for me was Paul’s demeanor in Acts 25 and 26 where he spoke to Festus and Agrippa. These men, certainly were not godly and yet Paul referred to Festus as “most noble Festus” (Acts 26:25) and then to Agrippa he said, “I know thee to be expert in all customs and questions which are among the Jews: wherefore I beseech thee to hear me patiently.”
It is this humble attitude and “beseeching” that displays the definition of “intreat.”
I have reached an age where I blush at the boldness with which I rebuked some elders as a young adult. I appreciate their grace with me.
A good illustration is my children when I have done something wrong. I am needful to understand my errors and very often it is my children who see my inconsistencies and mistakes. It is due to this understanding that I leave the door open to my children to question me, but I tell them, “When I have done something wrong, you need to come to me and ASK, ‘May I talk to you about something on my heart?”
That humility and intreating me is the respect that needs to be shown on their part. It is meekness. It is understanding their position. It is recognizing that God placed me over them. It is obedience to Scripture to show honour. (Eph. 6:2)
It is with this spirit that we need to come to an elder rather than a bold rebuke or accusation.
DON’T
Rebuke an elder or bring a railing accusation against authorities
Let me tell you, we live in an age where we are so sick of unrighteousness and darkness that we at times forget to fear the Lord. That sounds like a misnomer, doesn’t it. Someone who loves righteousness, but forgets to fear the Lord.
But I have seen no greater inconsistency in the more conservative body of Christ than in this area. Boy, if we have a weakness; it is in the area of being railers.
I did not even know what a railer was; but one day when I was grieved over the lack of separation Christians were having with sin and sinners in the church I was reading I Corinthians 5:11 and saw “railer” smack in the middle of fornicator, covetous, idolater and drunkard.
The Holy Spirit prodded me. I thought, “What is a railer?”
Well, the Bible defines its own words very often.
Railing is spoken of only four times in the Bible.
2 Peter 2:11 speaks of hurling accusations against governments and how it leads to tyranny and that God will fiercely judge those people.
Jude 1:9 speaks of how Michael the Archangel refused to cast a railing accusation at Satan but said, “The Lord rebuke thee.”
I Timothy 6:4 speaks how servants ought to be taught to honour their masters, that the name of God be not blasphemed, and that questioning this teaching leads to pride, strife and railings. We are to withdraw ourselves from these railers who question showing honour to authority.
Lastly, 1 Peter 3:9 speaks of the heart of communications; “not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing; but contrariwise blessing;” It shows that back and forth contention is not of God but rather overcoming evil with good.
When I realized that Michael the Archangel did not presume the authority to rebuke the vilest of demons, my heart trembled.
All power and authority is given by God; even the wicked for the day of evil. (Prov. 16:4)
“Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things.” (2 Tim. 2:7)
DO
Open your mouth with wisdom. (Prov. 31:26)
I used to think this verse meant that if you had something wise to say, than you should speak it. And then God revealed James 3:13 to me which speaks of “meekness of wisdom.” I was awe struck with the idea that wisdom needed to be controlled. It was not to be freely expressed.
Than I realized that the verse in Psalm 141 where David was pleading with God to set a watch before his mouth and to keep the door of his lips was not just about evil.
God wants us to have wisdom to know WHEN to open our mouths.
DON’T
Fall prey to the thought that truth must always be spoken.
As apples of gold in a picture of silver, so is a word fitly spoken. A good study of discretion will do every Christian good. Sometimes speaking truth will fuel a fire that honestly just needs to die down.
One thing my pastor does that I have tried to practice in more recent years is that of waiting until a fire is cold before bringing up “hot topics.” It causes less collateral damage. Truth must still be spoken; just not always right now.
DO
Practice the law of kindness (Prov. 31:26)
This “law of kindness”has really been the fire that tests my motives and speech.
James 3:16 – 17 gives it.
When I hear my children give some hasty “constructive criticism” to their siblings and I can actually feel the nastiness in their tone, I am reminded of how God walked me through these verses.
I turn to my oh so sweet child and say, “Now, what you said may be true, but …”
- Was it pure? (what were your intentions)
- Was it gentle? (what was the tone of your voice)
- Was it peaceable? (what did you think the end result would be)
- Was is easy to be intreated? (did it make it easy for them to answer your request)
- Was it full of mercy? (when we don’t give them what they deserve) (1 Pet. 3:9)
- Was it without partiality? (maybe they struggle with liking this one sibling)
- Was it without hypocrisy? (didn’t you just do this same thing the other day?)
- Is the fruit of it going to be that of the Spirit? (love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, meekness, temperence)
By the end of the list, my child very clearly is convicted by the Word of God just as I have been repeatedly since God has held my conscience accountable to this law of kindness.
In contrast, let us look at what is much easier to do; in the “DON’T” section.
DON’T
Bite and devour one another.
There is a reason why Paul warns Titus against contentions and strivings and that after the first and second admonition reject a heretic. (Titus 3:10) They just won’t listen. (Now that is a warning to us as well; to heed admonitions. We must keep a learning spirit.)
God is not a proponent of contentions, pride, foolish questions and strife. We just need to lay down our pride, let people think we are wrong and move on.
We did what we needed to do (hopefully in the law of kindness) and they did not receive it. At this point, God wants us to STOP. (Prov. 26:4-5)
I get it. There are those of us who “Hold Fast The Word.” We live it. We breath it. We quote it. We use it regularly in our conversation because it has transformed us from the inside out.
We are vexed.
We are grieved.
We are frustrated.
We see the forces of darkness in the world and are watching it permeate our Bible believing churches and we get angry. We get angry at other Christians.
We get angry that they judge our motives. They get angry that we judge their actions.
We get angry that they judge us for speaking the truth. They get angry that we spoke the truth with no grace.
We call them to the carpet for using their liberty for an occasion to the flesh. They accuse us of not loving our neighbors as ourselves.
And then we fulfill Galatians 5:15 in full view of God.
We “bite and devour one another” and end up “consumed one of another.”
We are fulfilling the lusts of our flesh and are doing nothing profitable at this point. I know this because the Bible says so. (Gal. 5:16-17)
Let us bear in mind that after this example of biting and devour is where God give Galatians 6:1 in contrast. And this is where I started this whole article.
This is not about sanctification and separation being sacrificed on the altar of unity and peace. This is about rebuking sin in God’s time and in God’s way.
Now lastly, one final …
DO
Raise up the Bible and claim GOD’s power; not our own.
The servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will. (2 Timothy 2:24-26)
Leave A Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.