While I was living down south, even as an empty-headed teenager, I couldn’t help but notice the constant in-and-out of church members.  I’m not talking about leaving because of job changes or ministry work, it just seemed like church-hopping was an epidemic down there.  Unfortunately, I also experienced two church splits and saw the unnecessary heartache that comes from it.  Leaving your church isn’t wrong in of itself; it’s just the manner in which people do it that can wreck havoc.  So if you feel like you absolutely have to leave your church, here’s how to do it.

1) Don’t Kid Yourself.

Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” 

That verse is one of the most profound verses on human nature in the entire Bible, and one that we should never forget.  It tells us that we have 1) a wicked heart, and 2) a heart that is deceitful.

So much for “trust your feelings” and “follow your heart”!

The idea is this: your own heart is sneaky, tricky and most importantly it lies to you.  Never forget that.  Before you even go down the road of leaving a church of which you’ve been a member, take serious inventory of yourself.

Have you changed or has your church changed?  In what direction have your or the church’s standards shifted?  Just how biblical is your reasoning?  Get down to the core and be perfectly honest with yourself: why do you want to do this?

2) Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say.

Hebrews 13:17, “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.”

When you join a church you put yourself under the authority of that church and pastor, and that’s the way God wants it to be.  The good thing is, you don’t have to stay there.  If you must leave don’t destroy a man’s life in the process.  If God wants a man out of the ministry, He can get him out without your help.  To many Christians sing about the power of God and then forget that He can and does providentially bring things to pass as He sees fit.  Don’t be a spiritual assassin.

Speaking of the providence of God, as a teenager watching these things happen around me, the Lord providentially put a book in my hand called A Tale of Three Kings.  It’s a great little devotional book on Saul, David, and Absalom and it gives a lot of things to consider.

So I’ll ask you this: in your current situation, which king are you?

Saul was very good at throwing spears at people.  He threw them at David and even at his own son Jonathan.  He was angry and rash, but most of all, he was an expert at throwing spears.  There’s a connection there: people that are good at throwing spears are usually quite mad.

David was good at dodging spears.  It seemed like he was always having to dodge one thrown at him by Saul.  Quite naturally, when a spear is thrown at you, everything within you says to grab a spear and throw it back.  But not even once did David ever do that, and David was a man after God’s own heart.

Absalom was very ambitious.  He didn’t have whatever it was he felt he deserved, and was very good at convincing everyone around him that there was injustice to be found.  But popular opinion doesn’t assuage the natural consequences that follow our actions and he and a bunch of other people wound up dead.

You joined a church and put yourself under the authority of a pastor, and now you have a problem and you must leave.  Which one of the above are you going to be?

3) Talk To Your Pastor.

2 Corinthians 8:21, “Providing for honest things, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men.”

For the life of me I don’t understand how people can leave their longtime church and talk to everyone except the pastor about it, all the while thinking they’re doing the right thing.

There’s a lot of words for that, but being perfectly honest one that comes to my mind is cowardice.

We are responsible for maintaining a good testimony in the sight of three parties: 1) God, 2) the lost, and 3) other believers.  If you have been a member of a church, and feel you have to leave, then the right thing to do is to talk to your pastor about it.  It’s a good testimony!  It’s providing for honest things in the sight of men!  Be clear, be open, be honest, be forthright!

But most importantly, be humble and never forget these two verses:

1 Timothy 5:1, “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;”

 Proverbs 13:10, “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.”

 It is possible to agree to disagree.  When anger and contention enters the scene, that’s just pride.

 

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Thanks for reading so far!

In the next half of this article we’ll look at four more points on the right way to leave a church.

Please share this with your friends and may God bless you.

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