There are times when we desperately need someone to listen to us, but How Do We Get People To Listen To Us?  I will answer that question in today’s bite size blog.

Last week I talked about Why Submission Is Not Subjection and how that relates to women and teenage girls.  That left us with the question of How Do We Get People To Listen To Us, especially if they are our authority?

Now I am going to get pretty real here, and I need you to stick with me, because setting your expectation realistically is a huge part of having peace.  If there is one thing I am all about, it is having an inner calm in spite of our circumstances.

Having said that I want to give you the bad news before the good news and then I will give some real, solid ideas on How You Can Get People To Listen To You right now.

POINT NUMBER ONE OF HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO YOU

MOST PEOPLE DON’T LISTEN

I truly hate saying that, but it’s true.  Nearly everyone wants to be heard, but few people truly listen.  They have to have a reason to listen.  They are mostly concerned with how what they hear impacts them, their convenience and their own pleasure and if you aren’t offering them something they want; than be prepared to be brushed off.  

Someone once said that “There are two reasons people change.  The first is that they are in so much pain (emotionally or physically) that changing is the lesser of two evils, or the second is that they have learned so much that the evidence compels them to change.”

In my experience, the latter reason is usually due to God’s working in their hearts and lives rather than someone else being the motivating teacher.  So, first and foremost, pray.  Pray that God will work on the heart of the person to whom you need to speak and that HE will bring up the opportunity for you to approach them.  (Proverbs 21:1) 

I think about Moses and Pharaoh and how it was God Who paved the way entirely for the Israelites release by working in Pharaoh’s heart.  The Lord is still the same today.

With patience and the Lord’s hand that opportunity will come, but what do you do when that opportunity arises?

POINT NUMBER TWO OF HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO YOU

PLEASANT WORDS ALWAYS WIN OUT!

You know that old saying “You win more flies with honey than vinegar.”?  The same things is true with people.

If you are frustrated and at your wit’s end, that is not the time to approach someone.  It might be easier because you have “false bravery” pushed by your emotional state, but that is all it is: “false bravery.”  You must know how emotional you are and how logical you are feeling and if for sure this is the opportunity that God has opened for “the conversation” noted in point one.

When that time comes, you need to do a few things.

  1. Point out to the person what you appreciate about them.  (People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.)
  2. Point out what they are doing that is good.
  3. Clarify that what you are saying does not mean that you don’t like them, or that they unwanted or that you view them as a failure.
  4. Bring up the issue (and make sure the issue is NOT them).  This is important and so it is going to be point three.
  5. Try to give a solution that would be mutually beneficial.  Compromise is extremely important and makes the other person feel appreciated and not backed into a corner.
  6. Repeat steps 1 – 3
  7. Ask them what they think and then listen, like really.  Really, really listen.  Try to understand their heart.

POINT THREE OF HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO YOU

WHEN BRINGING UP THE ISSUE, MAKE SURE THE ISSUE IS NOT THE PERSON BUT THE ACTIONS

Every situation has a solution, but when you make the person the problem than there is no solution.  The person just feels rejected and defensive.

If the issue is a sin, than I go into that in more detail in this post “How To Rebuke Sin With Grace,” but if it is something more straightforward, than just follow the steps above and talk about the situation directly.

The steps above are pretty much the “sandwich” approach.  Focus on the positive, then deal with the issue in the middle and then reaffirm the positive at the end.  If you can think of no positives, then this is not the time to approach the person.  Go back to prayer, forgiveness, and asking God for wisdom about the situation.  Then as God opens up the door for a conversation, go through the steps I gave.

Most people will respond well to this approach.  My husband always says, “When two people want peace, there will be peace.”  This is why we truly have a wonderful marriage. 

But if the issue IS the person and it is a character flaw in who they are than honestly, I would suggest being extremely careful in addressing it.  Some people are rebellious, cruel, manipulative, proud and unwilling to learn and you will get nothing but a fist full of quills and poison.  (Proverbs 9:7)

That is a topic that takes up more space than I have right now, but I am studying it out to prepare either a blog or a vlog on it in the future.  I do know this, if you feel unsafe please find some way to get help.  I don’t know your situation, but I do know there are people who will listen and who will believe you.  Find a way to reach out.

So in many, many situations, this formula works on How To Get People To Listen To You, but I want to give you one more “bonus” tip if you have much to say about a topic and no one seems to want to listen.

POINT NUMBER FOUR OF HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO YOU

IF YOU ARE A THRIVING EXAMPLE OF SOMETHING, WHEN SOMEONE IS READY TO LEARN THEY WILL SEEK YOU OUT!

If there is one thing that I have learned by writing blogs and being an online educator it is that you need to write things about what people want to learn.  When people are searching for answers, they want to find an authority on the topic.  For me, what I have studied is Biblical Counseling and how the Bible has the answers to every “practical” question out there.  

I have found that God can help you pick an awesome husband.  God has answers about dating and purity.  He talks about peace, joy, depression, anxiety, happiness, responsibility, communication and relationships.  You name it and He has something to say about it.  But most likely, you won’t find me picking out people to tell them what their problem is and how they can fix it. 

So, if you are passionate about something, than live it.  Put yourself out there.  Be patient.  It takes time for people to trust and see if you really “know your stuff” and when they see you do, they will come to you.  Usually, you will not have to go to them. 

IN CLOSING

Very often, the people who will listen are those closest to you; the ones who know your heart and your life.  

So “Brighten the Corner Where You Are” as will I.  “You in your small corner, and I in mine.”

Keep on Keepin on, friend.

With Love,

Melissa Schworer