In this article, you will find the top five ways to take a rebuke with grace and keep the messenger in good health. For most of us it goes against our natural instincts to take a rebuke with grace, but that is exactly what biblical maturity will teach us to do.
If you have read the Proverbs regularly, you will begin to see several characters repeatedly; the wise man, the fool, the scorner, the simple, the froward man, the righteous man, the strange woman, the virtuous woman, the drunkard and the glutton. Can I get a raise of hands for which one of us wants to be wise, righteous or virtuous?
To do so, you must learn how to learn, and taking a rebuke with grace is essential in that process. The wise man believes that learning truth is of enormous value. In fact, the wise man would actually pay money for a teacher of truth. Now, if a wise man would by truth with rubies and gold; that wise man has the discernment to understand that truth coming from any other source is still truth and therefore of notable importance. (Prov. 1:5, Prov. 9:8, Prov. 9:9, Prov. 17:10).
The fool is certain that he is not wrong. He has no desire to hear any other opinion than his own and in fact he will hate the man who tries to teach him. You can generally tell a fool by his unwillingness to learn, but his propensity to speak of his own sin with a raging confidence. (Prov. 12:15, Prov. 14:16, Prov. 17:6, Prov. 23:9 )
The scorner appears to love wisdom, but is more concerned with his own reputation and pride. In fact the Bible says, he seeks wisdom and finds it not. (Prov. 14:6) Coincidentally, the scorner refuses to hear a rebuke and readily rebukes those who do speak biblical truth. (Prov. 9:7, Prov. 9:8, Prov. 15:12)
Lastly, I want to point out the simple man. We all start out as the simple man. Essentially what it takes to turn from a simple man into a wise one is to study God’s Word. Rather than believing whatever anyone tells you, (Prov. 14:15) you must determine to seek truth. Don’t just live life “the way God made you” (Prov. 22:3, Prov. 27:12) while being indifferent to growth. The wise man never chooses the life of complacency.
HOW TO TAKE A REBUKE WITH GRACE – POINT ONE: It doesn’t matter if the rebuker is not in authority over you; listen anyway.
I have a child who we joke is “practically perfect in every way” and keeps an eye out for all the others. I also have a child who has struggled their whole life with accepting rebuke. Can you hear it in your head; one child says to the other, “Don’t forget to buckle up!” and the other responds “You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my boss!”
I have disciplined this foolish child consistently for this behavior their whole life. But the fact is, they have the heart of a fool. When the verse says that a reproof entereth more into the heart of a wise man than a hundred stripes into a fool, while I wouldn’t claim a hundred stripes; I would attest to the principle.
What I want to point out to you is this.
- The truth is the truth. Regardless of if the messenger is your authority or not. You must stop and say, “Are they trying to help me? Is what they are saying wise? Is it true?”
An update on this story is that one day, the same exact scenario happened again except this time my foolish child said, “Thank you! I did forget.”
The whole entire family became silent as we sat in awe. Who was this humble child and where did my real offspring go? And then we all began to applaud and praise them for their wise choice and prayed it would be their turning point.
Are you prone to disregard advice or correction depending upon who the messenger is? You would be wise to remember that every man is a teacher to the wise.
The wise man will hear and will discerningly ask, “Is what they are saying true?”
HOW TO TAKE A REBUKE WITH GRACE – POINT TWO: It doesn’t matter if the rebuker is not a good friend; listen anyway.
There seems to be a teaching out there that goes something like this, “Before anyone can rebuke anyone, they must first establish a good working relationship with them and possibly have even tried to be their mentor.”
It really is a great idea, but it is not realistic nor is it biblical. In fact, I would find it interesting if at any point in the Bible we see an example of a close relationship being the prerequisite for any rebuke. The only prerequisite we see is that of a humble and meek spirit.
The truth is that when a person is going astray from the truth, they tend to build a wall. They start becoming more isolated and distant towards those that would help them. They begin hanging around birds of a different feather who are more like minded to the path they are headed. And those who truly care are watching, waiting, praying and hoping the person will come back around on their own. Space in the relationship is a natural progression, and it is unlikely that the rebuker and rebukee will be “best buds” at the time of a rebuke but that does not mean the rebuker is not being “the very best of friends” at that exact moment.
I have not seen very many people who just relish jumping out there and rebuking people. It is actually a huge risk they take, because when someone is backsliding or maybe just temporarily playing the fool … they aren’t likely to take a rebuke with grace. The rebuker is likely to get a tongue lashing, become the victim of gossip or worse.
A good example of this in the Bible is that of King Ahab and Elijah. We don’t know much about Elijah before God chose him to rebuke King Ahab, but what we do know is that he was a man of like passions, he had not previously been recorded as a prophet and that he was not a friend of Ahab.
BUT, he was chosen by God to tell someone the truth, and it did not go well for him. In fact, God immediately told him to leave and hide by the brook Cherith. That is usually the case.
What a difference it would have been for Ahab and the nation of Israel had Ahab been humble and repented.
The wise man will overlook the messenger and will discerningly ask, “Is what they are saying true?”
HOW TO TAKE A REBUKE WITH GRACE – POINT THREE: It doesn’t matter if the rebuker says it the right way; listen anyway.
Wouldn’t it be great if every time we were rebuked the person knew how to rebuke sin with grace? But it is unlikely and still yet; the wise man doesn’t care.
One example of this is found in Matthew 15. We have two contrasting examples of how people took a rebuke by Christ.
The Pharisees: In the first part of the chapter we see a group of people that Jesus essentially said were clean on the outside but filthy on the inside. They became offended. Jesus just walked away and left them to their own demise.
The Woman of Faith: In the second part of the chapter, Jesus told a woman that he wasn’t here to heal her daughter because she was a gentile dog. She humbled herself and pleaded for his mercy in spite of her “doghood.” Jesus praised her for her faith and healed her daugher.
What is notable is that the “gentile dog” did not take offense. She accepted her humble position and gained the blessing.
When we get offended by the form of a rebuke, we will very likely miss the blessing. A wise man will overlook the tone of the messenger and will discerningly ask, “Is what they are saying true?”
HOW TO TAKE A REBUKE WITH GRACE – POINT FOUR: It doesn’t matter if the rebuker does it in public; listen anyway.
Oh! Have I seen parents get up in arms when another adult rebukes their little sweetheart in public for being inappropriate or even vile in public. I just sit back shaking my head and think, “That child has very little chance of being anything more than a fool or a rebellious scorner.” And so far, I have been spot on.
I think of Peter (Gal. 2:11-21) and how Paul rebuked him. He “withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed.” Poor Peter has had his fair share of public rebukes by Christ, but Peter was wise and took it. Sure, there was a point where he licked his wounds and even denied Christ, but he realized his pride and repented. Just as Abraham was tested several times before his faith was sound; Peter was rebuked over and over before he came forth with honor.
What would have become of Peter if he had gotten in a tizzy with Paul (the newcomer), because “Who was Paul to rebuke him … in public nonetheless? Tsk.”
But Peter was wise, and a wise man will overlook where the messenger spoke and discerningly ask, “Is what they are saying true?”
HOW TO TAKE A REBUKE WITH GRACE – POINT FIVE: Take time to thank the messenger.
It might take a little bit of time to evaluate the message, lick your wounds and correct your course, but a wise man will love the man who rebukes him. (Prov. 9:8) He will have read Prov. 27 over and over and learned to appreciate the friend who risked attack by reaching out. The wise man will know that the wounds of a friend are a sign of faithfulness to the friendship. The wise man will be humble enough to admit to more than himself that he was wrong. The wise man knows he will not look the fool by saying, “Thank you. You were right. You spoke the truth. You saw something in me that I was trying to hide from everyone else (and maybe even myself) and I am so glad you risked your comfort for my benefit.”
Because over and over what the wise man is looking passed flesh and blood and he is seeking truth; biblical truth.
BE the wise man.
Have a great day.
Melissa
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