The most important member of the family is the father. The kids aren’t number one, the mom isn’t number one… dad is number one.
America in a confused mess. It’s not because of Democrats trying to destroy our Second Amendment and kill our babies. It’s not because of Republicans creating a surveillance state and going to war every chance they get. It’s not because of Libertarians pushing state-sanctioned immorality, or Environmentalists pushing pantheistic tree worship, or the media and their sick desire to push the envelope by glorifying every sexual perversion they can.
And it’s not because of bad moms either.
It’s because of dads not doing their job. We live in a generationally fatherless society. Over and over again in Scripture the emphasis is laid upon the father’s role in the family, because his role is the most important. Everything rises and falls upon the leadership, actions, and example of the father.
Many times I’ve seen a single mother struggling to do what’s right and lead her kids and it all go for naught. More often than not, the kids wander around and go off into the world and get themselves into a mess. It is tragic! I consider it a miracle when it doesn’t go that way. This is why single moms need all the help they can get!
I’ve have seen plenty of teens with a miserable disposition on their face because of fathers who were derelict in their duty. Mom was doing everything right, but Dad was off doing who-knows-what. I’ve also seen the dad turn the whole thing around in a matter of months by simply doing his job. The teen’s whole disposition changed and something wonderful came into the home because dad got involved.
Dads, as a father of five kids, I want to tell you that it’s all about you. That’s not something to be braggadocios about; it’s something to be sober about. Your wife can do everything right, but odds are if you drop the ball you’ll lose your kids – it’s as simple as that.
I want to encourage you stand up and be seen in your family. Longstreet said, “You can’t lead from behind,” and he was right. A leader doesn’t hide in the shadows – he is seen. Your followers, and in this case your kids, need to see you doing ten things:
1) They need to see God’s compassion in you.
Psa 103:13, Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
You need to care about your kid’s needs and problems. You don’t need to be effeminate, but they must see you show compassion towards them. Jesus was a man’s man (a carpenter without power or pneumatic tools!), but He was known for His compassion. You don’t have to surrender your manhood to be compassionate to your kids.
Let’s say your four year old son skins his knee. You don’t need to dote over him like a nurse, but you probably shouldn’t be barking “suck it up, wimp!” like a drill sergeant. Just say something like, “Ouch, you gonna be alright, tough guy?”
Their problems look tiny to you, but they’re not tiny problems to them. Care about them, but make sure they see you caring about them.
2) They need to see God’s provision in you.
Deu 1:31, And in the wilderness, where thou hast seen how that the LORD thy God bare thee, as a man doth bear his son, in all the way that ye went, until ye came into this place. Work ethic! Your children need to see you work. They need to see you struggle and put in the effort to earn a paycheck. In this verse we see the analogy of God carrying us as a man carries his son. They need to you doing this for the family, through the strength that God gives you.
They need to know that a man is made to work (Gen. 2:15). If there’s anything that young men are lacking it’s work ethic. They’re either terrified of or completely disgusted by the idea of manual labor. That’s not saying an office job makes you less of a man, but our kids need to know we’re not afraid to get our hands dirty and sweat a little.
Most importantly though, we as fathers must always remember that it is God that is the provider! We are not; we are only a channel for God’s provision. Any strength or smarts that we have was given to us by God (Deut 8:14-18). Every good thing we have in life God gave to us (James 1:17).
We must constantly remind our children of the fact that God provides for the family.
3) They need to see you interceding for them.
Job 1:4-5, And his sons went and feasted in their houses, every one his day; and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and to drink with them.
5) And it was so, when the days of their feasting were gone about, that Job sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all: for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually.
Job stood in the gap for his kids. He was constantly watchful for his kids, but he was aware of the fact that it would be impossible for him to know everything about them. Just in case one of them started going the wrong way, he prayed for them that God would show mercy to them and bring them back as well.
We can’t save our kids, and they do have free will – but as fathers we need to pray for our kids. They need to know that we pray for them. They need to hear us pray for them by name.
Be specific when you pray for them. Is one struggling with fear? Pray about that. Silas (my four year old boy) said to me, “Daddy, I’m a good boy, as long as no one hits me.” Sometimes he talks about his friends hitting him, so we pray about that. Charlotte struggles with nightmares, so we pray about that. Kiera is a teenager in a nine year old’s body, so we pray about that. Lily gets her feelings hurt too easily, so we pray about that.
It’s not enough to pray for them – they need to see you praying for them.
4) They need to see a kind heart in you.
Luke 11:11-13, If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
12) Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
13) If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
This one should come pretty naturally, but you never know. Your kids should learn kindness from their parents. Find out what means a lot to your kids (they call it a “love language”), and do that for them. Each kid is different. One kid it’s a bike ride, another kid it’s watching a movie with them, another one it’s reading a book, another one it’s playing with blocks on the ground.
All of these may be horribly boring, but we have to get over it and be good dads.
5) They need to see you encouraging them.
Col. 3:21, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
This verse tells us not to provoke them to wrath, and it says the end result is that they would be discouraged. So it’s pretty clear that we should do the opposite of discouraging them, we should encourage them.
What do your kids like, what are they good at? If they tell you about some idea or hobby they’re working on you ought to encourage them in it. We ought to involve ourselves in what they do.
The number one reason I never rebelled in my teens and twenties was because my parents never allowed the family to become fragmented with everyone doing their own thing.
Personally, I’m terrified by the idea that one of my sons will get into hockey because I’m terrible at ice skating. But, if he does, I’m going to do my best to get in there with him.
Let’s pray he likes basketball instead.
6) They need to see the rod of correction.
Pr. 13:24, He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Deut 8:5, Pr. 3:11-12; 19:5; 22:15; 23:13; 29:15, Heb. 12:7-11
Did you see all those verses? Don’t get mad at me for saying you should spank your kids! God said you should spank your kids. Do it while under control, do it privately, do not be rash or angry, be clear about why you’re doing it, and be consistent in doing it.
God said the father is the one responsible for the nurture and admonition (Eph. 6:4). That’s not to say that the mom shouldn’t be involved, but the emphasis is on the dad to do it.
Most of the points in this have to do with the nurturing part of being a father, but this part falls under the admonition. It takes both sides. If you only have one side, you’re not following the biblical pattern. Admonition without nurturing will lead to rebellion against you. Nurturing without admonition will lead to kids that don’t take authority seriously which will lead to all kinds of problems. To be balanced we need both.
7) They need to see you being able to correct yourself.
Pr. 15:5, A fool despiseth his father’s instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent.
This verse talks about a fool despiseth his father’s instruction, and then it mentions a person regarding reproof as being prudent. What is prudence? Prudence is the ability to look ahead and see the danger that will come (Pr. 22:3).
When we are unwilling to correct ourselves openly, we put the other members of the family in danger. When we are stubborn in the eyes of all, not only is it a bad example and prideful, but it is also imprudent.
We are going to make mistakes, and when we make open mistakes we need to be transparent about them and fess up to them. We need to tell them where we went wrong, and tell them how we’re going to do better. If we do, then that makes it so much easier for them to do the same back to us. Wouldn’t it be nice if your son or daughter came up to you and told you what they were struggling with? While we need to have some common sense and discernment, we must remember that our transparency will make them be transparent with us.
8) They need to see you ruling your house.
I Tim. 3:4, One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
Okay moms, this is where you really come in. Dad can do everything right, but if you are unwilling to follow you can destroy everything. You need to follow and not lead. You need to let him lead. You need to not challenge his authority. You need to constantly remind the kids that “daddy is the boss.”
If you don’t like that, then your problem is with God and His word, not a man who happens to be reiterating what the Bible says.
If you push hard enough and long enough, more than likely your man will capitulate to you. You can lead if you really want to. But you can be almost certain of two things: your husband will resent you and your children will rebel.
Why will your children rebel?
Because you taught them to.
Ladies, not only can you destroy it all, but if you stand behind your man he can do anything. He needs you to be there for him, and if you are and you follow and encourage him, he will grow into the man you so want him to be. You can make or break him.
So fathers, you had better be someone that is easy to follow. If you don’t lead, you’re family is going to be in real trouble. You need to love you wife and love those kids, and you need to make it easy for them to follow you.
On a simple and practical note, demonstrate to the kids that you are the leader in little things. Make the decision of where you’re going to go and what you’re going to do. Make sure that everyone knows you have the final say. But don’t be a tyrant.
9) They need to see you telling and reminding them what God has done for you.
Deut. 4:9, Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons;
Deut. 6:6-7; 11:18-21, Ps. 78:2-8
This is a principle that God tells His people several times in the Old Testament. It’s important for us to pass on what the Lord has done for us to our kids. The stories of His goodness must be passed down.
Every year we go to my father’s grave and we tell the kids about how “Grandpa Schworer” is in heaven, and how he was a good man for the Lord. We tell them about how because Grandma got saved and dragged him to church, he got saved. Then we tell them about how because Grandpa and Grandma obeyed the Bible, “Daddy” (me) got saved as a little boy. They know that because Daddy loved the Lord and did right he found Mommy and they got married. They know that all the friends and blessings they have in life tie directly in with the Lord and what He gave them. They know that Mommy and Daddy are still married after twelve years (when most people don’t make ten years) because of the Lord and the principles in His word. They know how the Lord has provided for us and helped us through hard times.
They know these things because we tell them.
Everyone’s stories are different, but everyone needs to pass the stories down.
10) They need to see you instructing them.
Pr. 4:1, Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.
How many times have we read in the book of Proverbs about a wise son listening to the instruction of his father? Do we read that and it never dawns on us that it’s our job to instruct and teach our children? Our actions much of the time portrays our unwillingness to teach our kids.
Are you relying on the church school to teach your kids how to reason right from wrong? Are you trusting in the twenty minute Sunday School lessons at church to do the job spiritually for your kids? Do you think that you are still a leader when you let your wife do all of the spiritual teaching?
If so, my friend, you are taking a big chance. We need to remember that we live in a world that is adamantly against the principles of the word of God. It is hostile to our God and the biblical way of life. It is a machine that never slows down and never shuts off, and it will constantly try to pull your kids away from you and from God.
I believe every Christian family should do family devotions. Find a way and a time that will work for you, but just do it. You will mess up and stop doing it, but then pick yourself back up again and start doing it again. It’s arguably the most important time of the day and the time in which they can probably see everything on this list.
In conclusion, I’d like to say to any mother reading this that I might be wrong. Maybe it’s not all about the dad, maybe it’s all about the mom. Maybe I was completely wrong and Mom is the most important member of the family. I don’t think so, I really doubt it, but I could be wrong. Maybe, in all actuality the hand that rocks the cradle really does rule the world. Maybe it’s more important for the mom to do right, set the right example, teach the children, be kind and compassionate, and all that.
But wouldn’t you want your husband to live like it all depends on him?
Dads, these ten things are a heavy responsibility. We can’t do them if we’re absent from our homes, if we’re too preoccupied with other things, or if we don’t put the effort in to do them. Let’s take up the responsibility that has been given to us, because in the end we’re the ones accountable for the failure or success of our families.
Dad, it’s all about you.
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