If you want your child to feel loved, encouraged and respected as a little individual, than read on as I share what I have learned are 9 Things Every Parent Should Stop.

I remember when I was 19. I had moved away to go to Bible College and was undecided as to whether I should move back home or pave a new trail. My dad (and I will always be a daddy’s girl at heart) counselled that I come home.

I said that I wanted to, but I wanted to be able to choose my own priorities. I didn’t want to have to stop what I was doing because he wanted me to go get something. (That didn’t mean that I wouldn’t.) I wanted to set my own routine and my own work schedule. I wanted to be a grown up. My wise father understood what was at the heart of my request and he allowed me that freedom.

My kids are all “littles” at this point, by I often try to look at them from the standpoint of that 19 year old I was. I know children are not yet trained. They are immensely self-centered. Some would play all day if they could. But still, they have thoughts. They have desires. They have personal items on their “to-do list.” Today in fact, my 8 year old pulled out an actual self made to-do list of things on her agenda. It was fun to hear her plans and help her accomplish them.

Children are just little people. It is important to remember that. They have feelings. They desire respect. They want to be appreciated. As they grow, they want to branch out with some freedom and goal conquering on their own. They are smart and transparent, and they want desperately to be heard; not just getting the “Uh huh.” or “Wow!” response.

I think this is why God specifically told fathers not to provoke children to wrath and anger. He understood a child’s spirit and the human’s innate need for respect.

Eph.6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Col. 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

With that in mind, I have compiled a list of 9 Things Every Parent Should Stop Doing.

Inconsistency – Have you ever scolded your child for interrupting you and then when they were in the middle of telling a story to someone you interrupt them to talk to that person? Or have you asked the child to look at you when you are talking to them and then “carried on a conversation with them” while staring at a screen? This is frustrating to a child.

Hypocrisy – I remember someone telling me that her mom was screaming at her and then the phone rang. She put on her nice voice and proceeded to answer the phone.Pretending to be one person in public but being someone else in private is a great way to create a bitter child.

Nit-picking them – I read a great article written by a perfectionist mom who expected perfection from her first-born child. So much so that one day when the younger sibling fell down the mom yelled at the first born, “What did you do?”

The daughter (who hadn’t done anything) just crumbled.Nothing she ever did was good enough and even when she didn’t do something it was still her fault. This will cause a child to be so discouraged that they stop trying to accomplish anything good.

An imbalance of nurture and admonition (leaning too hard one way or the other) – I remember my mom coming to visit and commenting, “I feel like you are picking on ‘insert name here.” I replied, I feel she is picking on me. She was so strong willed and even though she was 2 years old we were at odds with each other.

After some time of reflection, I realized that while this child needed that ample amount of discipline, I hadn’t been giving her a much needed overdose of love and special time to help balance it out.

Even now she is still a needy child who requires extra love, especially after trying times. But don’t go the opposite way and give love without discipline. There are stories upon stories of children who just wish their parents would have “cared enough” to set boundaries for them. It is about balance.

Yelling – I am not a screamer, but when I get irritated I just want to raise my voice. I don’t like it when my children do it to each other or when anyone yells at me. It is disrupting. It is contentious. It is ugly. It is a fruit of the flesh.

Children don’t like being yelled at. I have not noticed it making any long-term difference in their behavior except that they also too choose to be yellers. I have noticed that it causes them to be discouraged and afraid.

Being Inconsiderate – Have you ever seen that sign that says, “Yes! Let me stop what I am doing and work on your problem.” I am guilty of doing that to my child. We are both engrossed in something we love and I remember that I need to get something. Instead of getting up myself, I ask the child to get up and do it.

Is it wrong for me to do that? No. Would I want someone to do that to me? No. It is just inconsiderate and a bit self-centered. I would just encourage you to follow the golden rule and think twice before you have your child stop what they are doing to work on your problem.

Being grumpy and moody – Why did I snip at my child when they laughed so loudly? Because I was in a bad mood. Nothing is more annoying than a child being a child when you, as a parent, are feeling grumpy. Why are they jumping around like that? Don’t they know that all those Legos are just making a mess? Can’t they tell a story to each other a little more quietly? I can’t hear myself think with all these “interruptions.” And that is what kids become when we are in a bad mood: interruptions.

From experience, I know that it is important to get away and pray and remember that these are your blessing; not your interruptions.

Angry or unjust chastisement – I’m sure my father was very pre-occupied and just wished we would be quiet and stop fighting. I was 12 years old and it was my last spanking ever.I had been playing a video game for hours trying to beat the game. (I know! Don’t say it!) I was almost there. One of my siblings came and said, “Dad said I could play now.”
Rather than playing the same game or saving it my sibling snidely just turned it off.

I responded, “You snob!” Off the other sibling went to tell my dad about my bad attitude.

Now, as a parent, we don’t always want to hear the full story. (I don’t blame my dad. I am just as guilty at times.) Sometimes we assume guilt, when maybe the child is innocent. We justify it, “Well, I’m sure they deserved a spanking that they didn’t get another time.”

I was not rebellious of my dad’s decision. I was angry at my sibling’s inconsideration. But I got a spanking that I will never forget. It was a painful spanking, but worse than that was that my father didn’t take the time to hear what really happened. The spanking did not cause me to repent. It caused me to be angry and cry every time I thought about it for over a year. “Spank first, listen second” is not a good motto.

Not listening to their hearts – Sometimes children’s feelings are really hurt. But instead of listening to them we make light of their feelings. Why? Because we are tired of listening or we think that their complaints are foolish.

Well, I know of several times where petty things have gotten under my skin and I just needed my husband to listen to me tell my tale with drama and flair and maybe even a tear. Yet, if he minimalized how I felt or just said he was too busy, I would not only be upset; I would think twice before confiding in him again.

I know as parent’s we want our children to confide in us. So we need to be careful to do our best to be patient, look in their eyes and hear them out.

In conclusion, I want to encourage you to do your best. If you are reading this than you probably have a heart to do better and be better. Keep praying. Keep asking God for direction daily. Keep thanking Him for these children who draw you closer to God and who help mold you into a finer vessel for God’s glory. Keep on Keepin’ on!